


So Darkness I Became

by PossibilityGirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Dark, Death Eaters, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Multi, Psychological Drama, Second War with Voldemort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-26 12:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5004289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PossibilityGirl/pseuds/PossibilityGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'A mind on the crossroad,' the hat said into Lola Lestrange's ear, and it sure was right. The problem was, she had no map and no way of knowing which path was the right one. :the story of Bellatrix's daughters:</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: I decided to make this story T now, but it has tendency to become M - if it, eventually does, the ratings will be changed and I will post warnings. I will also try to post trigger warning, but tell me if I miss something. Comments of any kind are welcome!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or many of the characters, they are property of J. K. Rowling. The title is property of Florence + The Machine. The song lyrics is, as stated, property of AURORA.

_I had a dream I was seven, climbing my way in a tree. I saw a piece of heaven waiting, impatient, for me_

_Aurora - 'Runaway'_

One must realize that I was happy. Why wouldn't I be? I had it all!

There are very clear pictures of my early childhood in my mind - our huge French manor rounded with a beautiful garden; the drawing hall, all in glass and silver; the smell of the best elf-made wine; me in pretty dresses, surrounded by toys, always at least a house elf taking care of me.

Our house was always alive with chatter and laughter; many people were passing through it and all of them loved me. "What a dear girl you are! You will grow up to be as beautiful as your mother!" they would say and I would glow with pride - I knew that my mother must have been the most beautiful woman on earth. She was tall, with shiny heavy waves of black hair, dressed in the best robes, her head always high. She was the queen of our castle. I was a princess, papa's girl, _maman's_ honor. "Let us hope she'll have her power as well!" Papa would laugh in a warm, rich voice, looking at _maman_ from the corner of the eye. Everyone knew how powerful my mother was and I wanted to be just like her - beautiful and dangerous, proud and noble.

In my memories there is always the presence of _him_. I had  never met him, but I knew that he represented all the wonders we had. When people would gather in our drawing room for the meetings I was allowed to attend, they would all cheer for his health. "To the Dark Lord!" someone would say and all the glasses would rise. In my head I'd created a wonderful and mighty figure of someone who must be the greatest wizard in the world - and it was my family that personally knew him! "Be a good girl, Lollia. He's here," mother would say sometimes and I would immediately  behave, hoping that was the day I'd get to meet him.

" _Now, you must be good and train hard before that. But you will, won't you? You will be the best, the strongest proud witch, carrying our noble family tradition."_

When you are little, they tell you the tales of rich lands, beautiful and intelligent witches and great wizards that try to conquer the death. I did not need those stories. I was a beautiful witch of my own rich land and I knew that a great wizard _would_ conquer  death, making our family the most influential and praised in the Wizarding world.

And then, on my fourth birthday, he was gone and everything I knew crumbled, at once, with no return.

***

Months after my birthday, when they stormed in screaming that he vanished, Lin and I were alone, although today I realize that we couldn't have been. There was always someone looking after us before  they left at night, so there must have been at least a house elf; no one in their right mind would leave a four-year-old with couple of months old baby.

We had already  fled our beautiful manor a long time ago, settling in the summer cottage near the sea. They never let me out anymore, but they were constantly going somewhere, never telling me where. I was little, but in my head I connected all the bad things happening to us with the Dark Lord's disappearance - it took me years to realize it was other way around.

Lin (or rather Marcelina, as I called her at the time) was crying and I was helpless. “Please stop… please stop crying… please, please stop...” I was muttering, like a mantra, over and over again, on the edge of tears myself. I started violently shaking the baby, but it made things worse. Finally, all four of them apparated, slightly messier than when they had left. “Please make her stop!” I screamed at once, but mother did not seem to notice me; for weeks she didn't.

'How could they not know?' roared father, throwing a chair on the floor.

'I was sure they must know _something,_ ' mother said, displeased but not as angry. She saet down, deaf for Marcelina's crying.

Uncle Barty was with them again, but he did not look well. They were all shaken, obviously, but he was a nervous wreck, walking around in circles, his freckled face pale. Finally, he came over and grabbed Marcelina from my hands. 'Do something!' he shouted to mother, desperately, 'If they find us… because of her…'

Mother clicked her tongue and flicked wand; Marcelina stopped making a sound, but she was still opening her mouth in silent cries, red in face. 'They won't find us because of a crying baby, don't be ridiculous, Crouch. Are you **_scared_**?' she added, her voice lighter now and almost mocking.

'And you aren't?' he cried out, putting Marcelina in my hands again, as if I was a piece of  furniture. It crossed my mind that maybe I was turning invisible, maybe I was slowly disappearing without knowing it. 'They **will** know… Ministry must know… By now… They are after us…' he could not finish the any of the thoughts and he was shaking violently.

'How _can_ they know?' father turned around to look at him, 'Who would tell them? _Those_ two?'

There was a brief moment of utter silence and then mother started giggling. Uncle Rabastan and father followed, and the shared giggle turned into a monstrous laughter. 'Oh, did you see them? Did you _see_ them? Crying on the floor… Begging… Stupid prude Aurors, always doing by the book, too good even to properly fight back… As if their light magic can do something against the unforgivables!' mother said through the laughter. She looked more alive than she did in weeks and her face was glowing; yet it was not an expression of happiness, but rather one resembling fire. She was different, I noticed. There were dark circles around her eyes and her smile was twisted; she was showing all of her teeth.

When he stopped laughing, uncle Rabastan leaned on the wall, lighting a cigarette. 'I must admit, it was enormous fun, despite of everything. Like a celebration of good old times.'

'Do you have to smoke in front of the children?' mother asked. He shrugged and no one said anything on the matter of cigarettes anymore. It would not have passed before, I knew - mother was strict about uncle's smoking habits. 'Now, we must really think about this - who could know something more? Someone else from the Order, probably-'

'Are we going to run?' Barty interrupted, and all three of them looked at him as if they forgot he was in the room. He seemed absolutely frantic now.

'Run where?' mother lazily asked, 'And _why,_ Crouch? If you are afraid of your dear father then you shouldn't have--'

'I am NOT afraid!' he shrieked. He straightened up, trying to look brave, but he looked silly and I would probably have laughed if Marcelina was not shaking with silent screams in my hands.

'Then _show it_!' mother stood up, 'Stop being a mess and show it, dammit! **I** will not run. **I** am not ashamed or embarrassed like _other_ cowards…'

'I am NOT a coward! I joined you!'

'And now you want to run? To abandon the Dark Lord?'

_'I do not_! I just want…' his voice was lower now as he tried to even his breaths, 'We can't find him if we're imprisoned. Do you realize what we can lose?'

Mother laughed ruthlessly, 'What you are trying to say is that **you** can lose _so much_ , darling boy?'

'You-- You have two children…' he breathed out, his words sharp as a knife.

There was a small pause as they faced each other – a small frightened boy and a powerful dark witch, mad with the taste of revenge. 'I will **not** run,' she repeated, 'If we find him, it will be the best I can do for future of my daughters. And if I die trying, my daughters will know how to appreciate that.'

I let out a high moan, nearly throwing Marcelina on the chair, and ran over to her. I was crying,  'Don't die, _maman_ , don't die, don't die!' I wanted her to pick me up, to stroke my hair and say it would all be fine. Yet, she just put a hand on my head as a form of gratitude.

'I am not planning on that, Lollia,' she said, still eyeing the freckled young wizard. 'Now don't wail, only _dull_ people do that,' she said in a voice that made me think she would push me away  if I make another sound. 'It is late, why are you even still up? Go to sleep, come on!'

Uncle Rabastan finished his cigarette, picked Marcelina up, lightly rocking her, and took my arm. 'Come on, lets go,' he softly pulled me as I was still letting out soft cries and took me to another room. As we went out, Barty said, 'Bellatrix, if we want to find Dark Lord we must stay out of Azkaban, it is simple', but I did not manage to hear the rest of the argument.

Barty stayed with us; he was not happy, but he had no choice. However, he did not have to wait long for his fears to come true. It was merely a week after that when our protective charms broke down and the Ministry people ran into the house one rainy night as we slept, taking us by surprise. You don't know what terror it is for a four-year-old to have unknown wizards barge into her home in the night, throwing curses all around, taking her parents away. I still sleep with my wand by my side, very lightly, waking at the smallest of sounds.

Barty screamed and wailed, begging for mercy. Dad tried to fight for a moment but, taken off guard, he was not in his full power for the fight ‒ with three Aurors against him, he was taken down quickly. But mother tried neither to run and hide us, nor fight. Her mere defense was when she spit in the face of an Auror. He screamed at her that she was a crazy hag and pointed a wand at her, and I ran over hitting him with my small fists. Moved by my anger, the vase from the fireplace flew and hit him in the head, making him scream. A muscular man picked me from behind and raised me, holding my hands tightly. 'Leave maman, leave her!' I yelled and cried, trying to fight him. He avoided the vase that flew over in his direction.

I was the last thing my mother saw in the house. Her dark eyes seemed as they were seeing me for the first time as a real person rather than a child. She was tied up, but her head was up higher than ever and her voice was stone cold when she said,  'Now, Lollia, be firm. Train hard before I see you again, alright?'

As he pushed her out of the house, the lumping man with the wooden leg growled, 'There's little chance you'll be seeing anything but the Azkaban walls ever again, Lestrange.'

After that, I did not speak for weeks and Lin cried a lot. Very soon we met Andromeda, "our other aunt", who seemed like an intruder to me - surely we  only had aunt Narcissa! Did this woman lie to us?

But Andromeda looked so much like our mother and her softness reminded me so much of the way Narcissa treated us, so it became clear to me she must be our family. When, on my birthday, she showed up with a huge cake I finally knew - this woman cared for me. I never mentioned when my birthday was; she took her time to find it out and prepare everything to make me feel like I was a princess. That was the first time I ran to her and hugged her hard, letting out a few tears. 'You can cry.' she told me and so I did.

And then, after months of silence, I finally dared to ask her why maman never spoke of her. Andromeda smiled sadly, 'We are very… different. We parted a long time ago.'

'Do you love her?' I asked.

Andromeda was silent for a second, and then she whispered so low that sometimes I believe I must have imagined her answer.

'Yes.'

***

I was absorbed into this new life, slowly, without realizing it. The house was not as rich as my wonderful castle, but it was warm and cozy, in shades of orange. The smell of baking was always present. Everyone would always listen to what I wanted to say, no one would tell me to go to the other room while the adults talked. Andromeda would pick me up and kiss me for no reason. She would not call us Lollia or Marcelina, but short and sweet - Lola and Lin. 'It matches,' she said happily, 'You are sisters, you came together to me, wrapped up in each other's arms. Lola and Lin, it fits perfectly.' It shocked me the most that she let Lin cry when she fell down. We aren't supposed to cry, _maman_ would say, we are supposed to be firm and resilient.

It was different, so entirely  different… but also very nice. I still was the prettiest and I still got whatever I wanted, and I guess that played a big part in my mind.

Over time, Andromeda's face morphed with the face of _maman_ and our house by the forest became the synonym for home. I started called Dromeda 'ma' and Ted 'dad', and I was happiest because of 'sister Dora', a funny, loud, charming thing that came along with my new life.

I am still happy. This _is_ my life and my family, and I know I belong here. It is only rarely, on a rainy days (like the one when we flew from our manor) that I still look out of the window and imagine my other life - the second me, stuck in some other world, living the life of rich and noble in a castle of her own.


	2. Chapter 2: Recessional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and many of the characters, they are property of J. K. Rowling. The quote is property of Miranda July, taken from short story "Something That Needs Nothing" that can be found in her book No One Belongs Here More Than You (which is amazing, go read it).

_In an ideal world, we would have been orphans. We felt like orphans and we felt deserving of the pity that orphans get,_

_but embarrassingly enough, we had parents._

_-Miranda July ‒ "Something That Needs Nothing"_

* * *

 

'Are you sure you have to go?'

'Justine...'

'I'm just saying, maybe there is a way you can stay? Ask her again, oh please ask her!'

'You are acting as if I _want_ to go!' I cried out, throwing a final piece of my clothes into the trunk. I did not feel like folding it.

Justine was sitting on the bed, looking at me with her worst and prettiest puppy eyes. She finally sighed, falling backwards on the bed, 'You are _killing_ me.'

I lay down beside her. 'It is just a year. We just have to go through this year and then you can come to Britain-' her sigh interrupted me **'or-** I can come to France!'

We were having the same discussion ever since Ma wrote me that I will be transferred from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic to Hogwarts at the start of the next year. Justine and I have been taking turns in crying for weeks now, but I have finally managed to stay reasonable. The same couldn't be said for Justine; her whole world seem to be crushed.

'Why would they let you come in a year when you have to go now?' she asked in a child-like voice.

'Because, I'll let you in on a secret.' I leaned in and whispered in her ear, 'I will be out of the school! _Gasp_!'

'You are silly!' she punched me meekly, but let out a giggle as well. 'Why do you even have to go now anyway?'

'Ma is paranoid. She obviously thinks the Dark Lord will come all the way to France for me and snatch me in the middle of the night from this poorly protected castle. As if he even knows about me.' I tried to laugh, but Justine still looked up sadly at the ceiling.

'It's not funny. **I** am still scared even though you are going to be beside Dumbledore. If He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is really back, then your mother is right, he might come for you,' she finally looked at me. Her big, blue eyes were not sad anymore; she was frightened, but determined. 'Remember that the name of Lestrange is spoken with fear, even in France.'

Justine was one of the few that knew who my parents really were. She was among the first friends I've ever made in Beauxbatons and certainly the closest person I've had. We never separated since becoming the first year, we shared a room and shared kisses and we wanted to share our whole lives with one another. Justine was the only one I've ever told, but she knew how to keep a secret and she knew how to love me despite all.

'That is because once upon a time some French Lestranges immigrated to Britain; they are scared it might happen again.' Justine groaned at this, quite irritated now. 'Oh, relax drama queen! You are not helping me here! Hey, I am the one going to that _indecent, second-class fortress_ , as you call Hogwarts! I am the one who should mope around! You will be here, in you pretty dresses in your silky sheets, attending piano lessons and singing with nymphs! You will stay here, looking at all the beautiful French girls-'

'You **know** I won't!'

'And I will be stuck with all British people! Did you even see what they look like?'

_'Lollia_!' she yelled ‒ she would only use my full name when she was absolutely irritated, as she was now. In order to silence her, I kissed her. She did not protest.

'My offer stays. You can still come to Britain,' I whispered again between kisses.

We both knew it was a lie. If the Dark Lord was really back, if he was coming for me, if he was about to attack Britain… then it was safer for my dear, muggle-born Justine to be far, far away from me.

xxxxxx

On the first day of my return from France, I've been silent during the dinner, hoping that my anger would not go unnoticed. Dora and dad were acting awkwardly, while ma happily chatted as if nothing was happening. Being ignored only made me feel angrier to the point where I just stood and left the table, muttering a cold 'Good night' in Dora and dad's direction, avoiding ma's gaze completely.

She could not resist though - I heard her footsteps fifteen minutes later and she stopped at the door of my room. 'Sometimes I think we should not have you let you have your way all of the time, Lola,' she said in a voice that was surprisingly not angry. I turned to look at her to notice she was smiling.

'My way? You're **shattering** all I have...'

'Not me,' she cut me off firmly. _'He_ is.'

I felt that the Dark Lord has been the elephant in the room ever since the moment I stepped into the house. No one mentioned a word of his return, but there were moments we knew what was it all about, such as nervous glances around the table when Dora said she is staying late at work tomorrow. Ma's bold mention of him made me frown with anger. _'You_ made me go to Hogwarts.'

She sighed, looking so much older than she was. 'How don't you understand? We've always wanted what’s best for you, safest for you, and now you're on the edge of a pit, Lola - you can be hurt. He might come for you. You could _die_. I am not as evil as you're making me out to be. I am your mother and maybe the problem is I did not act as one enough until now.' I opened my mouth to interrupt, but she quickly continued, 'We let you go to another school when you cried and begged - understandable, you were scared of the judgement. We gave you everything - _everything_ you wanted - because life has been rough on you since the very start. All I am asking now is for you to be reasonable for once. I've seen and lived through more things than you did. He has a talent for shattering things and I just want you as close to me as possible, so we can overcome it. Never forget that Bellatrix, Narcissa and I were as close as Lin, Dora and you are now.'

She knew where to hit me and how to hit hard; after Lin and I stopped asking questions ten years ago and started calling her ma, Bellatrix was not mentioned, as far as I could recall, not once. I felt a mixture of anger and sadness in my stomach - anger because Dark Lord was breaking my family apart once again and sadness because of every question I had whenever my biological mother was mentioned.

I walked over to Andromeda and hugged her the tightest, I could 'I'm sorry. I am just scared... I am so very scared of the unknown.'

'I know, my lamb, shhh,' she petted my hair and kissed top of the head 'Don't worry, it will all pass. It has to, one day.'

xxxxxx

That summer remained in my memory as a collage of light, bright colours, pretty flowers and tasty cakes. The memory is a strange thing; it makes beauty evident in the ordinary things and blurs out fright and the anticipation. Thinking about that summer, I must have been angry, hurt and scared in those three months. Yet somehow it all got lost in swirling memories of domestic activities, dad and Lin's endless chess games, and immense work in ma's garden. Never before or after have I seen her garden that beautiful.

Dora was not home as much. But when she was there we would make the most of our time together. Ma was fussy about the noise we made, constantly making comments that _we are not seven anymore_ and that _we are too old for dress-ups and dolls_ , but it only made us behave more silly and foolish. Perhaps we knew, given the circumstances, that it might be the last time we would have the luxury of being in our home.

Dora never talked about her Auror's duty, and Lin and I never asked. We wanted the war to be so far, far away. That was how Dora was different from Lin and me - she always wanted to be involved. On the other hand, the two of us were always ready to make up the most impossible fairytale worlds just so we could run away in our perfect scenarios. That proved to be our downfall.

xxxxxx

'Come on, come on, don't be late!' Andromeda was yelling through the house the morning we were supposed to leave for Hogwarts.

'Don't you have a job?' Lin asked, confused, putting her head with a mane of messy hair out of the door. People who knew Lin in her childhood always thought her hair was straight, silky and heavy. The truth was, all the straightening was done by ma Andromeda - Lin didn't think hair was something which she should waste her time on. On top of that, Lin insisted on keeping her hair long. 

As expected, ma made a displeasured face as she waved her wand in the direction of Lin's hair.  'Did you even start packing? Come on, I took the day off to take you to the station!'

I took my trunk out of my room, already dressed and ready for leaving. Lin gave me a look telling me that I have betrayed her. 'And what about Dora, couldn't she have taken us?'

Ma clicked with her tongue 'Ask Alastor Moody about that.' The look on my face obviously gave away that I didn't even know who that was, because she continued to explain 'Nymphadora had to go to do her work for the... To go to the station with Harry Potter.'

'Whoa!' I exclaimed, 'Our sister, a celebrity bodyguard!'

Ma ignored me, 'Lin, please, give me your trunk if you are done packing...'

'Just a few more books...'

_'Marcelina_!'

'Alright!’ Angrily, Lin pushed her half-open trunk out of the door and a few robes fell out. She was still in her pyjamas. 'If I forget anything it will be your fault!' Ma looked as if she was ready to strangle her. She opened the trunk and started folding clothes with her wand, since Lin had just thrown everything, finding folding incredibly mundane and unnecessary. Being able to finally do magic out of school, I joined in.

'You are good at this,' ma noticed, 'I did not know you had a thing for domestic spells.'

I felt proud - ma was the best when it comes to domestic spells. It had to do with her obsessive love for organization and neatness. 'Well, professors said I developed quite well this year...' I said, bragging a little.

Ma nodded, 'So I read on the report, I just had to see it to believe it.' We smiled to each other and she pinched my cheek 'I know you hate this, but I am glad you are going to Hogwarts. It is an amazing school with some of the best witches and wizards of England teaching in it, and Dumbledore is the most amazing headmaster in the world.'

I zipped up Lin's trunk and we were done. 'I don't _hate_ it,' I finally admitted and smiled, 'But you would think that someone put a polyjuiced non-spoiled brat under your roof if I didn't complain at least a bit!'

She laughed and kissed my cheek, before yelling at the door once more, 'Marcelina, you have exactly three minutes to get out, or we are leaving you behind and I will personally make sure you get detention with Snape for every day until the rest of the year. I am counting seconds - one - two - three - four...'

When we slit through the wall between platforms nine and ten, I stood and tried to take in everything that was happening around me. A big red train was huffing with coils of smoke, waiting for us, and there were dozens of kids around, laughing, yelling, meeting their friends and saying goodbyes to their parents. While no student was in robes yet, lots of them had yellow, red, green or blue details on their clothes or at least their house scarves, despite the warm weather. 'Houses are not important my ass,' I mumbled to Lin as she appeared through the wall.  'Do you know anyone to introduce me to, or will I have to stand on my own?'

Lin was forth year at Hogwarts now - while I was dead afraid of my parent's reputation, she seemed to have no sense of it. She didn't even _think_ someone could connect her to Lestranges. I always wondered where did this difference between us come from. Was it because I remembered our parents? Was it because I looked so much like Bellatrix? Or was I generally more connected to it all? The fact was, I was always more Lestrange, while Lin was always purely Tonks.

'Well, you know someone,' ma pointed to the old lady who was waving at us.

'No, I---' and then I realized, 'Dora! That must be your ugliest look ever!' I said, approaching her.

'Not as ugly as when I posed looking like you,' she nudged me. 'Hey, Harry, these are my sisters. Lin, Lola, 'tis famous Harry Potter.'

The boy with messy black hair and glasses smiled at me, but my eyes immediately found his scar. Something in my stomach tightened - this boy, this tiny, skinny boy was the downfall of the Dark Lord. He changed the history of the Wizarding world and, most importantly, changed my life forever. 'Pleasure!' I managed to smile widely, giving him my hand. As Lin did the same, the big black dog beside Harry growled, 'I don't think your dog likes me very much.'

Dora frowned looking at it, 'Maybe he was out for too long now, ah?'

'Oh good, here's Alastor with the luggage, look!' the redhead woman beside them pointed at the platform and a whole bunch of people started slowly coming out.

'This is all your entourage?' I asked Harry.

He smiled. 'Some. Most of them are friends.'

Nearly all of them were redheads, dressed up in red. 'Gryffindor, I suspect?' I asked, feeling proud to show off my limited knowledge about Hogwarts.

'All of us,' one of the tall redheads heard me, 'I'm Ron Weasley.'

'Lola Tonks, the old lady's sister.' I nodded in Dora's direction.

'Which house are you in?' asked Ron, not noticing any house colour on my black and white dress.

'Oh, we are about to see that - this one here was way too stupid to start Hogwarts on time, so she's starting it for the first time now at the age of seventeen,' Dora interfered, putting her arm around me.

The redhead boy seemed confused, not sure if he ought to believe Dora. I laughed, 'Seventh year, I'm starting seventh year. I am transferred from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. Ma wants me safe with, well, current _political_ current events.'

Harry nodded beside me - I was glad he knew I trusted him, as I was already aware of Ministry's policy of treating his story as a madman's tale.

'Hey, you will be the same year as the twins.' Dora noticed, 'Fred, George, this one here is my sister, she's transferring to your year. Keep an eye on her, if she's messing around.'

'Yeah, if you need any help with messing around, you will know where to find us,' the left one winked.

I laughed, overwhelmed with the wave of new faces, trying to remember the names of all the redheads. 'Well, I guess it's time you part,' Dora said looking at the clock. 'It's been great meeting all of you, we'll see you soon, I expect,' she said to the redhead crowd and Harry. They smiled and took their luggage. 'And you two, be well,' she hugged Lin and I together. 'Write _everything_ and don't worry,' she kissed me loudly.

'You're embarrassing us, grandma!' Lin yelled mockingly as ma finally approached us.

'Hope it will be fun, and what Nymphadora said - don't worry.'

'Nah, I'll leave all the worrying to you.' I winked and hugged her. 'I love you, ma.'

'Love you too, duck.'

'Hurry, hurry, you'll miss it!' Dora cried out as the engine started. We jumped into the train and waved to them one last time.

'Well, now, let's hurry up and take some good compartment,' Lin said looking around.

'Don't you have some of your friends to be with?' I asked, unsure.

She turned and smiled, 'I told them I have to take care of my dumb sister who is incapable of taking care of herself.'

We spent a good amount of ride talking about the teachers, stuff and what I could expect from them. I was making notes in my head - don't step on Snape's toes if you are not Slytherin, don't step on Filch's toes in general, don't sleep way too often at the History of Magic and so on.

'I am not sure about Alchemy, didn't have that one yet - I am so jealous that you were able to take it, I can't wait for it,' Lin said, frowning a bit.

'And what about Defence Against The Dark Arts?' I asked.

'Oh, the professor changes every year,' she said simply, 'I have no idea who will it be this year. Hopefully, not an ex-Death Eater.'

_'What_?' I shrieked.

She chuckled, though in an unamused way. 'Come on, you don't even know how You-Know-Who rose to his powers again?'

'I tried to ignore all the stories,' I admitted 'But do go on, I didn't plan on sleeping tonight anyway.'

'So, you know the name of Barty Crouch, Junior?' I nodded, panic rising up in me, 'Well, he pretended, with polyjuice potion, to be Alastor Moody, famous Auror, the one we saw at the platform now. So he, Crouch Junior, helped him rise up again by getting Harry involved in Triwizard Tournament and delivering him to You-Know-Who during the last task. Hufflepuff champion was killed,' she added, obviously not too pleased that she had to retell about these events.

I sank back into my seat, trying to remember how ma thought this might be good idea - if my parents' old colleagues could sneak into Hogwarts even beside Dumbledore, this was not the best idea in the world. 'I met him, you know. Barty Crouch Junior.' I said after a long silence, not looking at Lin. The lack of protest she usually expresses when I mention our parents made me continue, 'When- When Dark Lord vanished, he came over a few times. He was a very nervous young man, maybe a bit older than I am now. But he always got me candy and played with me. Moth-- Bellatrix, she always made him babysit me since he was doing it well, it was fun for toddler-me. I remember that he was beside himself a few times, screaming and crying. Bellatrix she-- she was yelling a lot at him. But, that time when they came back from torturing--'

'Please don't!' Lin finally spoke up and I looked at her. She had a look on her face as if she was going to be sick, 'I don't want to know. I am disgusted enough as it is. That man, he - he _praised_ me for my work and skill. Now I realize he knew who I was, so it makes sense... He said that he knew my parents and that they would be proud- And I thought he meant Andromeda and Ted... Not- you know...'

Lin could not go on; she fell silent again, looking out of the window. She didn't like connecting to that part of our past, even though she had no memories of our birth parents.

When we were kids, she wanted to know - every night she would ask me to tell her the stories of our "real mama and papa". But over the time her interest burned out; sometimes I would start talking to myself at night and she would interrupt me. 'I don't care,' she finally said when she was nine, 'They are terrible people and we should forget about them. Andromeda and Ted are my parents. _T_ _hey_ are just an awful twist of fate.' It was a shock to me - I loved both Andromeda and Ted and I considered them parents, but as a child it seemed so terribly exciting that my _other_ parents were so famous. And my memories were vivid - I remembered Bellatrix's laugh and the smell of uncle Rabastan's cigarette, I was the one father Rodolphus bought little green robes for. Lin never had that and there was a huge pit between us when it came to that. It sometimes felt as if I was the only one adopted, that Lin was actually Tonks' by birth. Even when it comes to looks there is a difference between us - Lin ended up looking like a strange mixture of our parents, but her eyes were wide and blue like uncle's and they have always seemed kinder than mine ‒ all the resemblance she had to our mother was shared with Andromeda, and her eyes could easily pass as Ted's. At the same time I knew I was the spitting image of my mother, growing more so with age ‒ I had the same high cheekbones, same heavy waves of black hair, same dark and lidded eyes and, most importantly, same determined look in them.

The compartment door suddenly opened, dragging me back to present as a slender boy with nearly white-blond hair peaked in, 'Routine check-up,' he smiled arrogantly to the girl beside him, 'We're Slytherin prefects so we have to take care and see if everything is good.'

'It's all well here, except for the lack of trolley with sweets, so if you can do something about that, it would be splendid,' Lin said in a bored voice.

'I am not a servant,' the boy said with disgust and then looked at me, noticeably less pleased than a moment ago, 'Who are you anyway? I didn't see you before.'

'You couldn't have seen me. I transferred from Beauxbatons to finish my last year here-'

His face suddenly lit up. 'So it is **you**! Father told me you would transfer,' he said, coming into the compartment uninvited. I looked at Lin, confused, trying to see if I should know this boy, but she was looking at the window again, biting her lip. 'Good to finally meet you. I am Draco Malfoy.'

I knew, now, what this was all about – the Malfoys were my family and this boy here was my cousin. Deciding to completely ignore it, I shook his hand, 'Whatever that means. Good for you! Lola Tonks.'

The look on Draco's face told me he was quite amused. I was not sure whether he would try to befriend me instantly or if he might mention that he knows what my birth name was. Luckily, he did neither. 'My pleasure, Lola. I guess I will see you around. Perhaps we will end up in the same house.' He glanced at Lin and then back at me; seeing the resemblance he realized who she was as well, but he only smirked. The girl behind him was confused and they finally left the compartment.

I sighed loudly, looking at the ceiling, 'Was coming to Hogwarts really a good idea?'

Lin did not speak for a while, and then, she finally muttered, 'I guess we'll know soon enough.' Then, as if this all was my fault, she opened her book, not speaking a word for the rest of the journey. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, reviews and kudos are very welcome :)


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